Are you getting in your own way?

When I reflected on 2018, there was one lesson learned that stood out in bold. I was always provided for financially but rarely in the way that I had planned. When I created my business, I believed money would flow easily. I had an abundance practice. I was actively doing work to clear my money blocks and I was taking action every day in my business. I believed my business would be able to support me and I would be able to live off its resources within the first year.

Looking back, that would’ve been a miracle. I’m sure it works that way for some special people in this world. I am not one of those people. My mind was so set on that fact that my business had to supply for me that it became a huge detriment to my mental and emotional wellbeing. I became obsessed and desperate. I put a ton of pressure on myself to create clients and each conversation felt like my life depended on it. You can probably guess how that went.

Neediness is creepy!

I put so much pressure on myself that things rarely worked out as I had planned. I launched programs and received crickets. Clients said they couldn’t afford me and at a certain point I began to believe I wouldn’t even pay myself that much. Every time I got to the point when I couldn’t pay my bills with the money from my business, I threw my hands in the air and said I give up. I’d think about looking for a job and tell myself that I was only going to do what I loved in my business for a little while. The crazy part is that it was in those f*ck it all moments that I made the most progress. It was in the moments that I gave myself permission to let go and enjoy the ride that the magic happened.

Here’s a moment of reflection for you. Where you are stifling your own progress with self-imposed limitations and boundaries. Where are you restricting what is possible by saying it has to be or happen a certain way? Where are you playing by someone else’s rules or acting out of desperation in order to make it work?

Here’s my reality, I drained my savings and am using my retirement to make ends meet. The first time I had to dip into my retirement, I cried my eyes out. I felt like a complete failure and huge disappointment. Even as I write this now, there are tears in my eyes. But here’s the deal, as uncomfortable as it is for me to share this, I know that there is someone who needs to hear it.

You are not a failure if you have to make ends meet by doing something you don’t want to do while living your dream.

Yes, I could’ve gone out and got a job to take the pressure of myself. I also know myself well enough to know that would’ve been a distraction. My drive to do this work has grown significantly stronger than my need to feel comfortable. I know I’m making a difference in this world and I am not willing to be side tracked by a belief that says I have to save my money for when I’m old. I’ve already retired and am living my dream. Why not allow myself to be supported in making that dream a reality right now.

If you are thinking about taking the leap and living your truth, I want you to consider three things.

What level of comfort do you need compared to your desire to do “the thing”?

Are you willing to give yourself permission to enjoy the journey and to realize that the bumps in the road are making you stronger?

What support systems are you going to put in place to help you through the super uncomfortable moments?

We each have our own unique paths. Maybe your journey will look similar to mine. Maybe we are on opposite ends of the spectrum. I don’t want you to compare yourself to me or to anyone else. Listen to your inner knowing and find your way. Let go of the restricting beliefs that keep you small or make you feel like you have failed when things don't work out the way you planned.

Know that you are going to have moments that suck. Those are learning experiences and the times when you will discover your true strength and resilience. You are not a failure or a disappointment. You are a dreamer and a doer and your legacy is going to change the world. Go do the thing! Keep doing the thing! Follow your heart and know that you are not alone on this crazy ride.